new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
