I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
