I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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