This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
