I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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