I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
