Im at strip club and am horny
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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