I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
