Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
