he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
