You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Randomize
