By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
