Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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