my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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