the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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