so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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