You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
