dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
where are my eyebrows?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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