69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize