you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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