That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
