it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
