dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
