Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
