I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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