she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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