Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
