Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
