dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
