Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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