Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
