I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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