Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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