we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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