OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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