i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
