He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
