what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Randomize
