Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
