Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
