Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
