Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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