I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
