You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
