Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
