you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
