I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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