That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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