I like my sex mixed with concussions.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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