i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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