why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
