he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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