Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
