Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
