She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
