My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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