hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
