So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
