the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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