Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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