I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
