Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
this will be a night to untag.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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