Do you still have your period?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Houston, we have a squirter
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
