Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
