i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
