you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
