just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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