i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
