Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i now understand why vodka
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
