Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When did angry sex become our thing?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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