Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Can Purell be used as lube?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Randomize
