So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
