My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
