I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
